Sunday, January 30, 2011

Joy to the world? Not with a voice like that!

Our neighbour’s child loves to sing. This in itself isn’t a problem. The problem is that she insists on doing it loudly, horrendously out of tune and at the most anti-social hours. Even now, well into January when for most people Christmas is already a distant memory, I am still being awoken by the screeching of ‘Joy to the World’. I can assure you that when rudely awoken by what can only be described as a noise akin to the murder of several cats when the use of a mangle is the murder weapon of choice, I do not feel at all joyful. If anything I feel tired, hugely irritable and an overwhelming urge to remove the offender’s vocal chords.

Talented people, perhaps they can give the neighbours some lessons.
She is not entirely to blame however; other local children have now followed her ‘musical’ lead, unfortunately they have roughly the same amount of talent. When not singing unrecognizable songs (I am yet to work out if this is because I don’t know the originals, or that they are just being butchered beyond recognition), their instrument of choice is makeshift drum. Essentially they bang erratic rhythms out on jerry cans and because almost anything can be made into a drum – fences, jerry cans, knees – the noise accumulates until it reaches fever pitch. There have been several times when I have resisted the urge to stagger from my bed fling open the door and ask/beg/plead/shout at them to stop. However, I think the sight of me with wild hair, barely opened eyes and dust lined pyjama bottoms might just spur them on. That, or they might be scared to death and depsite the horrific din they create I don't want to actually kill them.

Roll on February when the little blighters go back to school, then I'll just have the barking dogs and next door's baby to contend with... relative bliss.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Here comes the blackout

One of the most irritating things about living in a developing country is power and water, well rather the lack of it. This may sound flippant, that I value amenities above human rights, the plight of refugees, wide spread poverty etc. But I’m human, and more to the point a human that has grown up in Britain, a country in which power and water are largely taken for granted.*

Officially these black outs are referred to as ‘load shedding’, it’s just a shame that it seems the further from Kampala you are the more you have to suffer the burden of darkness. So living in Kabale, in the very south west of the country means it’s dark rather a lot of the time. It’s not just that when there’s no electricity gone are the lights, computers, ability to charge your phone, but when the power goes off so does the water. Perhaps this is just something that happens here, I’m not sure if this is country-wide. It wouldn’t even be so bad that when the power returned, voila, so did the water, but this also doesn’t happen. It can be hours even days sometimes before water returns. Somewhere along the line the system has gone horribly, horribly wrong.

In the run up to Christmas we had a total of about 24 hours of power in just over a week. Sadly the water situation was even worse; we perhaps had an hour of water spread out over the course of a week. Of course we resorted to getting jerry cans of water but tossing water down the toilet is not a viable alternative to flushing it and trying to wash your hair in freezing water a couple of inches deep does not leave you with hair you want to whip about the place whilst proudly announcing that you’re worth it.

If I were eligible to vote in the upcoming elections it would be the person promising me fewer blackouts that would get my vote. Yes, health care, infrastructure and a commitment to tackling corruption are important, but after a good shower don’t you feel much more inclined to take on the world and its problems? I know I do.





* and of course I care about these things too, I'm not entirely heartless

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Getting sick and tired

I am not frequently ill but when I am, all too often it is with some weird and wonderful disease. No common cold or straight forward food poisoning for me oh no. When it comes to being ill I think my body thinks it’s in some extreme sickness competition. I’ve had tropical diseases like Malaria, antiquated ones like Quinsy, suffered from gastroenteritis so severe that I had a temperature of 104 and lay in bed hallucinating for 4 days (and, perhaps worst of all, missed out on a holiday to Cyprus), and currently I’m suffering from Brucellosis. If you’ve never heard of it before, join the club. Perhaps it’s because it is a disease that mainly affects live stock. Basically I’m ill with something that cows rather humans can more readily sympathise with.

One of the things about having an illness that you’ve literally never heard of is that you’re just not sure if it’s socially acceptable to talk about it. For most illnesses you know who, where and under what circumstances you can talk about them, but with this I have no guidelines. This put me in a bit of a tricky situation when I was walking about town with my medicine in a see through carrier bag. This was not because I was seeking sympathy, but rather it was the only bag I could manage to get my hands on and I had to get some food from town before being able to take the medicine given and head home to bed. However, having medicine visibly on show obviously led people to ask me what the matter was. Their first question is always whether or not you have malaria. When you answer “no” their interest is immediately increased.
The associated joys of having Brucellosis
I tried the non-committal answer tactic but evasion doesn’t really work all that well when people start listing illnesses in the hope of working out what you’ve got. Frankly after a while (well, in fact almost immediately when you’re ill and your tolerance levels are at an all time low) the game gets a bit old so I just ended up saying that I had Brucellosis. Thankfully no-one looked all that horrified, in fact one former- Brucellosis sufferer even started shouting questions and sympathy across an internet cafĂ©, so much for patient confidentiality!

Perhaps there’s just no such thing as socially unacceptable diseases here, maybe I have made a huge gaff by stating that I’ve got Brucellosis but people were being too polite to look at me aghast, of course it could be that I’ve got something that’s just as acceptable as malaria, flu or the common cold. I’m not sure, but thankfully in 3 weeks time I’ll be Brucellosis free and will no longer need to concern myself with such matters.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Do you want another rap?


Grandmaster rap himself
Yes Sevo.  Unlike the song my response would be a very firm, “No. Never”. For those of you outside of Uganda I’m talking about Museveni’s 2010 debut rap release. I’ve mentioned it before on this blog but now things have taken a dramatic turn for the worse as this frankly embarrassing foray into the music industry has been named Best Single of the year. I dislike the song for many reasons, not leastly because it’s a bit like your dad reading a list of things he likes: cricket, Sunday newspapers, ham sandwiches, ordinate survey maps, slightly faster than usual and with a beat behind it and then trying to get your friends to dance to it. Each time I hear the song my toes curl a little and I just find myself a bit embarrassed for this 60 something man who has put himself in league with the likes of 50 cent and Eminem.

Weirdly though the youth here seem to quite like it. I just simply cannot imagine David Cameron releasing a song, rap or otherwise, that would be considered anything close to cool by the youth, or indeed anyone for that matter. There is certainly no way that whilst out on a Saturday night you would hear it in the clubs. Yet this is what happened to me the other week, there I was dancing away to the usual musical fare when over the PA came “do you want annazza rap?” Well as clearly expressed above, no I do not. I don’t want party politics to be brought into the enjoyment of my Saturday night either. Earlier in the day there had been an NRM (Museveni’s political party) rally and several people in the club were adorned in bright yellow t-shirts and bandanas with the president’s face on. When his song came on I thought the excitement might actually induce heart attacks as NRM supporters set about leaping everywhere and screaming “YES SEVO!” at the top of their lungs. In my opinion there is a time and place for party politics and it is not at 1am on a Saturday night whilst I’m trying to enjoy a cheeky gin and bitter lemon.

Finally, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one in thinking that politicians should have better things with which to fill their time. Rather than releasing dubious records best confined to bargain bins perhaps he should be concentrating on the various issues that currently affect Uganda. The radio stations don’t need another rap song to fill up their shows but Ugandans do need basic health care, universal primary and secondary education, better roads and more job opportunities.  

Friday, January 7, 2011

Yes, even here on the equator it rains

I am soon to receive a very important visitor here in Uganda. Our recent conversations regarding her pending arrival (and what clothes to bring) have made me realise that it’s probably time for a little bit of preconception-busting, I won’t say myth-busting as weather isn’t entirely mythical is it?

Firstly, despite the fact that Uganda is a sub-Saharan country and straddles the equator, it rains here… a lot. In the northern and central regions admittedly it rains less and is several degrees warmer on average than down here in the south, but still, regardless of where you are going in Uganda a rain coat is advisable.

The plus side to all this rain is that Uganda is incredibly green and not the arid landscape that many people envisage. Rainforests alive with monkey chatter, open meadows, terraced hillsides, beaches, even snow capped mountains, perhaps not what you imagine when you think of a land locked country in sub Saharan Africa and yet Uganda has them all.

Secondly, it gets cold here sometimes. Kabale is pretty infamous amongst Ugandans for being chilly. Those living in Kampala look taken aback when I say I live near Lake Bunyonyi. “It’s so cold there, I surely can’t survive” and other such statements are common. This makes it sound like the Arctic which I can assure you it is not. Firstly there are considerably less polar bears, Eskimos and igloos and you’re more likely to find people pothole fishing that ice fishing. 
Yes, the mornings are foggy, one of the occupational hazards of living roughly 2000m above sea level. But in truth it’s still a lot hotter than my native Britain and whilst it does rain frequently the storms are generally short lived and there’s also a lot of equatorial sun to be had.

So, packing advice for my important visitor or any one else to Uganda? Bring layers. This way you are well equipped for warmer days as well as colder days and nights. A waterproof coat is pretty much essential as are (and I feel like an old school matron saying this) some sensible shoes, after all dusty road + rain = quagmire, and flip flops, heels, suede are not going to fare well. Oh, and although non-weather related, a wind up torch is a jolly good idea after all it's taken me 4 days to post this blog due to power black outs!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Turn over a new leaf ? Not today, thank you

Just ready for the turning...

So Christmas and its excesses have come and gone and many of us are left wondering what now? Lots of us will start the new year with a renewed sense of vigour, a determination to turn over a new leaf. We will see this as an opportunity to shed our old skin and emerge thinner, happier, less vice-driven butterflies. Whilst this is lovely in theory the reality is that January is a terrible time to try and make a change.

As everyone knows January is one of the, if not the most, miserable month. It’s cold, dreary, only the rubbish chocolates are left in the tin, you’re worn out from the niceties of the season and you’re sick and tired of the taste of antacid. The house looks bare because you’ve now taken down the lights and decorations that made it look pretty and by now you’ve probably thrown away or recycled all those cards sending little scraps of love to you. So what does that leave you with? Guilt of over eating, poor chocolate selection, a feeling of emptiness, a sense of nothing to look forward to. Do you really want to add to all this a task that frankly is going to make you even more miserable? What happens come the 15th, or 23rd or even the 28th January when your resolve slips and boom – add to your current cacophony of negative emotions: failure.

That’s not to say that you definitely will fail. But generally if you’re not ready to make a change and you’re actually just doing it because well “it’s the done thing”, it’s probably not the best idea you’ve ever had.  I know that people will say new year, new start. Yes ok there’s logic in that, but there are 364 other days of the year in which your new year can begin, let’s not get too caught up in the Gregorian calendar now.

If, despite my arguments for why this isn’t the best time to make a change, you are still intent on making one, well done. Your determination has managed to overcome the first hurdle: opposition. The rest of you, don’t worry, see above as to why now isn’t the right time for you to turn over that new leaf after all. But what will your resolutions be? One year a friend decided on several resolutions one of which was to be more selfish, well each to their own!

Why not try something small this year, but something that will make a big impact? Make a resolution to help out at a local community centre or homeless shelter for a couple of hours a week. If you have commitments at home no problem, you could become a UN online volunteer. If volunteering doesn't seem like your kind of thing, fundraising is an excellent way to support causes you feel strongly about. Not only do you get to raise money for a worthy cause but you can also combine it with your hobbies - running, cycling, swimming or do something dare-devil that you mightn't have tried before - sky diving, bungee jumping, swimming with sharks. Or if you don't fancy breaking a sweat/ inducing a heart attack you could sponsor a child to ensure that they get a basic education, a clean water project or pledge to give x amount to charity each month.

Maybe this new year your resolution won't just be about improving your life but also helping to better someone else's too, perhaps even saving it. Surely that's much better than laying of the choccie biscuits for a while?