Thursday, March 24, 2011

Getting used to it


When people say you can get used to anything it’s a lie. I know it’s a lie because after 6 months of living in Uganda I still suck my breath into the back of my throat and do a little jig when I turn on the shower. It’s not that I am super happy to be getting clean once more, or indeed a leprechaun, it’s because my shower is bloody freezing. 

This isn’t a rejection of namby pamby luxury features or a misguided attempt at ‘when in Rome…’ Believe me, if I could fix a hot shower I would, but the water comes straight from the ground (where seemingly the temperature is about 2 degrees) and out of my shower head. Maybe this is how all showers work, I’m no plumber, but somehow some showers have the lovely facility of heating the water before it comes into contact with my skin. We don’t even have a water storage tank that might allow the water to get a little bit heated up by the sun’s rays before it cascades out of the head.

There have been times when I’ve contemplated putting water in black bags to let the sun heat them, and then pouring them over myself. The trouble with that though is that the water gets that plastic-y smell. If you don’t know what I mean leave a bottle of water in the sun for a couple of hours and then have a sniff inside, you’ll see.
So the fact remains that each day I approach the shower with a slight sense of dread, some days are better than others. Chilly, misty mornings are by far the worst when your body ends up steaming because it is so hot in comparison to the water you are bathing in. Still, I’m probably helping the environment. Firstly I’m not using any power to heat the water up and secondly gone are the days of long, luxurious showers. No, no, it’s now a case of get in – wet –lather –rinse- jump out.

Of course I endure my shower, after all I understand the importance of hygiene… and frankly I don’t want to smell like an old sock that has been rubbed in cheese and left in the sun to ferment for a week. But for me, endurance is not quite the same thing as ‘getting used to it’!

Monday, March 21, 2011

One Month On

Post election violence in Kenya, Mugabe in Zimbabwe and the recent troubles in Egypt, Ivory Cost, Tunisia and Libya, we’ve all seen how things can quickly get out of hand when it comes to politics in Africa. Therefore I was somewhat nervous about being in Uganda in the lead up to elections here. But thankfully, here we are a month since Museveni was announced as President for another 5 years and all is still calm, I can only hope that things stay this way. But what is it that makes Africans so passionate about politics?

Boda drivers awaiting the NRM candidate's arrival
One of the major issues that blights African politics is the length of time that leaders are in power.  In Uganda, Museveni has been in power my entire lifetime and now that he has recently been re-elected there is talk of extending term lengths from 5 to 7 years so I could be 32 by the time Uganda votes again. Whilst this does bring stability, which in the case of Uganda was essential after the regimes of Amin and Obote, it also allows for political stagnancy. Promising x,y and z when you’ve already been in power for 25 years seems almost ridiculous after all what have you been doing for all that time? This split voters into those who saw Museveni as a force for stability and opposition as potentially bringing back the issues of tribalism and those who saw Museveni as stagnant and the opposition as a change for good. Both camps were vehemently opposed to the other.

Many voters are swayed not by issues but rather by personalities. In fact many of the candidates’ stances on various issues were not entirely clear. Rather they won voters with their looks, smiles, personalities. Nearly all politicians at some point during their rallies dance along with the crowds, showing that they are one of ‘the people’. Museveni took it one step further, not content with simply dancing he released a rap song to ingratiate himself with the youth vote.

Rallying is clearly a serious business
However it seems that money is the root of all voting. As one person told me “people vote for money, rarely anything else”. Boda drivers were given petrol money and other gifts (money, t shirts, bandanas) to take part in NRM rallies. In the village small sums, candles and other minor gifts were distributed. Then there’s the sheer cost of the various party campaigns. The disparity between them was for me, the most startling thing about the February 2011 elections. NRM, the ruling parry, simply blew everyone else out of the water with their campaign. Their rallies were numerous and began months before any one elses. They flew Coco Finger from Juba to Kampala just to perform for a rally and Bebe Cool another musical heavyweight was singing for the cause despite the fact that his own father, Bidani Ssali was running for the PPP.

As they say money talks, and in this case the voters answered. So it’ll be Museveni for at least another 5 years, it will be interesting to see the public reaction if he is successful in extending terms from five to seven years after all he has already done away with maximum term limits. Only time will tell the true cost of these elections, I just hope it won’t be too costly.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

27 by 27

Happy Birthday to meeee!
 Today is my 25th birthday, here I am a quarter of a century and whilst I’ve done a lot of great stuff in my lifetime there are still many things (large and small) that I still want to achieve. Therefore why not give myself a bit of a kick up the backside and make a list (I love a good list) of 27 things to do before I’m 27.

Why 27? Well, firstly I have never been good at sticking to appropriate numbers for things. For example this article has only 8 and a half points rather than the more traditional 10. I could have gone for 30 things before I’m thirty but five years seems quite a long time, and this way if I fail to do all the 27 things before my 28th birthday I can always add three more things and give myself three more years to get everything done. Of course I could have gone for 29 things, but that’s a bit close to 30, and well, I don’t much like the number 28. So here it is a list of 27 things to do before my 27th birthday. Some are more adventurous than others and various ones will be made harder by the fact that I am currently living in Uganda. Still, I’m ready to give it a good old go… 

1. Grow my own vegetables.. successfully
2. Learn how to do cryptic crosswords, subsequently complete one
3. Have one article published in a magazine/newspaper
4. Raise £1000 for charity
5. Host a tea party with little cakes, triangle sandwiches and proper china
6. Start a small shop on Etsy
7. Go to Malawi
8. Read at least one of the religious books/scriptures in its entirety
9. Learn how to play Mah jong, the real rather than the computer, version
10. Customise an item of clothing/shoes
11. See mountain gorillas
12. Be with Denis when he experiences the sea for the first time
13. Go to Glastonbury festival
14. Skip every day for a month in the hope that it may encourage me to continue the good habit.
15. Knit a scarf
16. Take a sign language class
17. Write a letter to my childhood pen-friend in Australia whom I have not written to in over a decade, to see if I get a response from her or whoever may now live at that address.
18. Drastically improve my Rukiga  
19. Learn (and play) every card game in the Collins Book of Family Card Games
20. Get a fringe cut in (subsequently grow it out sharpish if it looks horrendous)
21. Read the entire works of Shakespeare
22. Volunteer with the homeless
23. Have a go at riding a motorbike
24. Learn to cook 14 new vegetarian recipes
25. Attend a bhangra dance class
26. Spend a month writing a letter a day to someone I love.
27. Read Milton's Paradise Lost

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Life's Little Aspects: Part 1

Forget about dictionary definitions and the blueprints in your mind, when it comes to things like food, time and housework the same rules simply don’t apply in Uganda. As it’s the small things that really make up life, let’s go through a few definitions of every day aspects of life.

Animals
When you think of Uganda most people are probably thinking lions, monkeys, giraffe, gorillas, elephants etc. Yes, these animals are of course here but they are not part of everyday life, in fact they are very much confined to the numerous national parks. 
Not many of these little critters in these here parts
Monkeys are an exception, they can be found playing in the trees of some towns including Kampala and Jinja. However, the most exotic animals that I am in contact with here in Kabale are pigs, goats and of course, my nightly visitors- the mosquito.

Football
Never mind the fact that we are thousands of miles away from Britain. Loyalty to the teams of the English premier league runs deep. Everyone supports a team, most commonly Manchester United or Arsenal and they will stay awake until 1am in order to catch the games. It’s one of the most common questions you get asked when people first meet you, they want to find where your football loyalties lie. I must say though, I’m pretty grateful to Manchester United and to Ryan Giggs in particular. Why? Well because when I say that I am from Wales people actually know where I’m talking about (and no, mentioning Princess Di does not have the same effect, clearly Giggs is much more celeb-worthy)!
                             
Food  
‘Food’ here is considered to be stews (meat, beans etc) and various kinds of carbohydrates for accompaniment:

Irish: Boiled potatoes
Kalo: Millet flour and water mixed until it becomes stretchy, brown and entirely unappetising.
Matooke – mashed plantain (savoury bananas)
Posho – maize flour and water ‘mingled’ until it becomes a solid starch lump, horrendous
Rice – delicious, why would anyone ever choose posho over it?
Sweet Potatoes: Not the orangey kind, but the white wiggly kind, boiled.
                      
Sweet potatoes, matooke and devil eggplants
Anything else is not referred to as food, but rather as snacks. This can obviously get a bit confusing when you go into restaurants (see below) and ask if they have food. They may well answer no even if they do in fact have eggs, chips, chapattis, samosa etc. As you can tell, the diet is carbohydrate heavy, thank goodness for cheap and delicious pineapples, passion fruits, avocadoes and tomatoes!

Hair:
Ladies will happily spend hours in the ‘saloon’ (and not that is not a typo here salons are known as saloons) having their own, and generally copious amounts of fake, hair braided into weird and wonderful styles. For men the only acceptable styles are those shaved close to the head. Men with long hair, or heaven forbid, dreadlocks are immediately associated with the Rastafarian culture, which socially has negative connotations (thieves, marijuana smokers etc).
Housework:
Washing machines, vacuum cleaners, hot water – you never truly appreciate them until you’re in Africa and scrubbing your pants in a basin of cold water with Blue Star, a multi-purpose wonder soap. I’m not joking, I love blue star, it would probably ruin your washing machine if you shaved off some and put it in the drawer, melt the drum or something. I confess that I'm not a very good clothes washing, opting to pay a lovely lady to do most of mine for me. Anyway I could never get my whites that white again, I've come to the conclusion that locals must use witchcraft, there is no other explanation.

Music 
I’ve mentioned the state of music before, but really, for someone who loves music and live gigs in particular, it’s a big deal. There is some OK local music being made and I confess to have been won over by some of the more catchy Ugandan songs, particularly those of Radio and Weasel. But on the whole things are pretty bad. Alarmingly, Westlife, Celine Dion and Shania Twain are more popular here than they were in Britain in the 90s (early 00s for Westlife).
Ludicrous amounts of love for Celine
 Locals love a good soppy ballad, they also love songs with slightly questionable lyrics, I refer you to P Square’s smash hit “Do Me”.  It should also be noted (so that I don’t look negatively biased) Museveni’s political rap was voted the  best song of the year. I rest my case.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Bibliophilia

I think it would be fair to say that since childhood I have been a fully fledged bookworm, I love to read. By age 4 I had read every copy of Topsy and Tim books that my local library had to offer (including the ones I had specifically asked to be brought over from the central library). It’s one reason, among many others, that if I was put in the Big Brother house I would just go completely loopy. I particularly love second hand bookshops, the shelves filled with wrinkled spines and softened pages and of course the spell of the paper, I would love to bottle that smell. So here in Uganda I face a little problem, my nearest bookshop that doesn’t exclusive sell religious works and text books is an 8 hour bus journey away. Of course I brought some books with me but with a 23k luggage allowance and clothes, medicinal supplies, a few pairs of shoes, Oreos (vital to every travelling girl) and basic toiletries to bring there wasn’t too much room left. 


Thankfully, there is a light under the covers. A hostel in town has a small selection of books that you can borrow free of charge. Despite the rule that you can only lend the books, and not swap one for another, there is a pretty high turn over of books and the selection is becoming increasingly multi-lingual. Also anything worth reading will be pinched within a matter of days. This means that I have to check the book shelves regularly for any new gems before they get pilfered. I have been lucky on occasion – I’ve managed to read The Road, I Dreamed of Africa and Les Miserables. However I have also been forced to read books that I would never usually pick up, namely thrillers and crime novels. For some reason the vast majority of books that are left here fit into these genres. This leads me to two possible conclusions: 1. people travelling to Uganda are on the whole lovers of crime and thriller novels 2. People travelling to Uganda bring all kinds of books but the ones that leave books behind are those who like crime/ thrillers. I guess if you’re reading a whodunit there isn’t a great deal of point in reading the book a second time other than to give yourself a smug satisfaction that you know exactly ‘whodunit’ from page one.

Books, books, lover-ly books
So for now I will content myself with titles like Death de Jour and State of Play and hope that Uganda’s next batch of visitors bring some more stimulating reads. When things get really desperate I can always turn to Better World Books, a website I have just discovered. They sell first and second hand books and the best thing is that worldwide delivery is free and unlike so many other sites that claim to offer ‘world wide delivery’, this does actually include Uganda… it’s a good day for bookworms far from home soil.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Unwanted Attention

Yesterday whilst sitting enjoying a mountain of meat with some friends, and, perhaps more importantly, minding my own business I was handed a note by another patron in the restaurant. This is in fact not the first letter that has been slipped over a table at me whilst both the author and I try to avoid catching each other’s eye. For me the avoidance of eye contact is simple, I try to pretend that the situation isn’t really happening and I definitely don’t want to encourage the note giver so that they begin talking to me. Similarly, whilst I read the notes (and offer them around for other people to take amusement from) I never respond to the writer, even if they bring over several… you’d think they’d get the hint after the first one wouldn’t you? For them, the lack of eye contact is probably a case of embarrassment, but then why give me a note at all?

The original letter
 The givers of these notes are never entirely savoury. This particular note giver was in the latter stages of middle age, had a slightly wild look about the eyes and was drinking alone… at 3 o’clock in the afternoon.

As for the note itself, well it wasn’t (thankfully) a declaration of love rather it said the following: “Hullow a strong woman and a brown woman even a social woman who is always smart and very active. I am Julius who is greeting you. I am very glad to see you here. Which means I wish you a happy stay and enjoyable life in Kabale district. A strong woman, just now I am in a bad condition, assist me – 2000 shs.”

To my knowledge I have never met, or indeed even seen, this man before. Therefore I’m not really sure how he knows that I am always smart and very active.  Strong here is clearly a code word for fat and I’m not entirely sure as to why he refers to me as brown, especially considering the fact that the majority of people here can’t wait to point out the fact that I’m white with their calls of ‘mzungu, mzungu’. The request for money is cheeky, but not entirely surprising, such requests are fairly commonplace. What I was surprised at however was that after I failed to acknowledge his letter, the scribe once more sidled up to our table and handed my friend a letter. It was similar (he described him as a strong man) but rather than 2000 shillings he asked only 1000 from my local friend. I guess even in the world of begging you have to ask for mzungu price!