Joy to the world? Not with a voice like that!

Our neighbour’s child loves to sing. This in itself isn’t a problem. The problem is that she insists on doing it loudly, horrendously out of tune and at the most anti-social hours. Even now, well into January when for most people Christmas is already a distant memory, I am still being awoken by the screeching of ‘Joy to the World’. I can assure you that when rudely awoken by what can only be described as a noise akin to the murder of several cats when the use of a mangle is the murder weapon of choice, I do not feel at all joyful. If anything I feel tired, hugely irritable and an overwhelming urge to remove the offender’s vocal chords.

Talented people, perhaps they can give the neighbours some lessons.

She is not entirely to blame however; other local children have now followed her ‘musical’ lead, unfortunately they have roughly the same amount of talent. When not singing unrecognizable songs (I am yet to work out if this is because I don’t know the originals, or that they are just being butchered beyond recognition), their instrument of choice is makeshift drum. Essentially they bang erratic rhythms out on jerry cans and because almost anything can be made into a drum – fences, jerry cans, knees – the noise accumulates until it reaches fever pitch. There have been several times when I have resisted the urge to stagger from my bed fling open the door and ask/beg/plead/shout at them to stop. However, I think the sight of me with wild hair, barely opened eyes and dust lined pyjama bottoms might just spur them on. That, or they might be scared to death and depsite the horrific din they create I don't want to actually kill them.

Roll on February when the little blighters go back to school, then I'll just have the barking dogs and next door's baby to contend with... relative bliss.