Picking the perfect pineapple

When surviving almost solely on carbohydrates it is essential that one takes steps to prevent scurvy. The best way to do this, in my non-medical opinion, is via good old fruit and veg. A delicious tomato and avocado sandwich here, some spaghetti with vegetable sauce there and of course a pineapple party wherever and whenever the mood suits.

slightly over-ripe but nonetheless spreading joy

I adore pineapple, despite a nasty incident once when I ate half a one during my lunch break in work and it was so acidic that I managed to burn my lips and tongue. I can only imagine what it did to my insides… in fact I’d rather not think about it. Anyway several chapstick applications later I was fine, but that rogue pineapple had got me to thinking: one must pick their pineapple with care. There are a couple of things to consider when picking a pineapple and I’m going to take you through them (‘cause I’m nice like that).

1. Colour. The ideal colour for a juicy, sweet pineapple with a bit of a tang is light green. If you pick one that is already yellowey-orange you will find that it is super sweet, to the point of being slightly sickly and certain parts will taste slightly like nail varnish smells. Too dark a green and it will be super sharp and the texture quite firm, the flesh more white than yellow. Of course where on the light green spectrum you want your pineapple is a case of personal preference

2. Resonance. Now this is a tricky one to explain. It involves holding the pineapple near your ear and tapping it so try to ascertain how ripe and juicy it is. However, it’s more of a trial and error situation than an exact science. You also may look a little crazy walking around your local supermarket picking up pineapples and placing them next to your ear. Start talking to yourself at the same time and the men in white coats might start arriving.

3. Leaf pluckability.If you want to avoid looking like a crazy person one of the tip top methods for looking sane but testing for ripeness is how easily the leaves can be pulled. Despite looking a bit like Heather Small’s hairdo in the late 90s fret not, pulling the pineapple’s leaves won’t hurt it, unlike if you had yanked Heather’s tresses. Instead it will let you know if the pineapple is ripe, the easier it is to remove the leave the readier the pineapple is to eat.

So there, armed with some useful tips go into the world and throw your very own pineapple party (and if these tips weren’t at all useful you can always buy the tinned variety!).